She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize