There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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