I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
