butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
