We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
