I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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