you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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