Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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