It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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