Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
