you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
