Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize