So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
