I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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