I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
