Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
