The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
