Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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