Define "chronic" masturbator.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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