so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
