I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
