Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
