dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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