I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
