Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
