dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
