who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
