talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
