she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
