Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
