He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Princesses don't give blow jobs
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
