You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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