I just cut my nipple shaving
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
