Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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