Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
