im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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