I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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