When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
