i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
