i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
