Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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