I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
