Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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