i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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