First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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