I faked an abortion last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
