it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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