There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
