i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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