Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
