somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
