After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
