the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
