By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
