I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
