dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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