Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
