I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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