I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
