I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize