I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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