I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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