so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
