i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
