I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Two words: blizzard sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
