You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
