Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
