So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
