It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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