Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize