My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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