why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
