we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize