god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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