Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
