Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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