I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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