he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
