Just cropdusted the office
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize