so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
