put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
