Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
