so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He? As in you personified your dick?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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