I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize