I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize