I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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