I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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