i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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