I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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