can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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