I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
