Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
