the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
