I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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