I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
