then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
