I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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