we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
