three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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