I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
