omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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